I love changes. Lately I have been "conservative" about what I write on my blog. Mainly because I've been afraid of sharing my feelings with the world. But things are going to change. Some people use blogs to update on their little family. Some people use their blogs as reviews. Some people use blogs for their business. I've decided to write more about what I'm thinking, feeling, and wondering about.
For instance for the last several months of I've dealt with a moderate case of depression. I've had several episodes but over come them. During those times it's hard. Hard to do anything I want. Hard to just get up and going. Example: My heart and mind are saying "Get up! Get outside!" but my body just doesn't respond. It's numb. Some people thing that if a depressed person can just get up and moving that it will "fix" the depression. That does help but when I am too depressed to even move that's a bit hard. I do have one thing that motivates me to move forward and focus on eternal life. The Gospel and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I also have a very personal spiritual experience that keeps me from suicide but I will not be sharing that today.
Lately things have gotten better. I finally went to a doctor to get some medication and it took a couple of months but I finally feel like I can MOVE again. It feels great. You see when Little Man was 6 months old we moved to Cali for work. Not long after that I got severe post-pardum depression. It was awful. I didn't realized I had it until one day I was talking with my dear sister on the phone and she was giggling and laughing with her baby what was only two months older that Little Man. I burst into tears and said to her, " I wish I could play and enjoy my baby like you do!" That's when I realized something was wrong.
My experience with Babe and Little Man when they were between the ages of 6 months to 18 months is like night and day. I still feel sorrow that I never really got to enjoy Little Man the way I get to enjoy Babe. But perhaps that's a lesson I needed to learn so that it wouldn't happen again.
I'm sharing this because I want to help someone. Maybe you know someone who is depressed and want to help but don't know how. Maybe you are depressed and you feel hopeless. I just want to help somehow.
Life is not hopeless. Life it good. Just find that little ray of hope and joy and focus on that during the hard times. Take joy in the little smiles throughout the day. If your house looks like a tornado hit it (for months) that's okay. Because you will get better and your house will get clean. Not over night but it will happen.
If any of you want to talk to me you can email me at meg dot lebaron at gmail dot com and I will answer any questions you have.
Find joy in the day and feel it. I love you all!
11 comments:
i think that sharing thoughts for others to read here and sharing on other's people's blogs about what they write will help with the depression too. it's impossible for anyone to know what you're going through if you never tell. and since we're all far away, blogs are the best way to do it! so share share share!
I am so glad your sharing! I personally haven't gone through this, but have a family member who has, and is actually bi-polar. Depression IS a sickness just like cancer, and YES you need to CHOOSE to fight it, but you have to recognize that medication and help are ESSENTIAL too! I am so glad you are feeling better! Keep your chin up girlie! LOTS OF LOVE!
meg, good for you! writing can be so theraputic, and blogging it can help others know what's up without you having to tell the story a thousand times. :) thank you for being so candid and opening up! i love you and miss you my dear friend! wish our paths crossed more often!
Hi megan,
I'm so sorry you have been down. That is the worst, and I don't know exactly how you felt, but I've had my definite down times. I'm so glad you are feeling better and it is very thoughtful of you to share your story. I'm sure there are many out there who are struggling and could use your encouragement.
Thank You, it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there. I had post-partum with both my girls and I appreciate you sharing your experience, sometimes it is just nice to know that you aren't so abnormal after all.
Ok, so I feel like the worst friend in the world :(. Meg, I'm so sorry I haven't been good support for you the last few months. I know how it can help, and I'm sorry I haven't been there. :( Call me k?
Oh Meg,
I've been wondering how you've been doing. Now I know. I'm sorry for not calling to chat more. I'm wish I lived closer to help you deal with depression better. Even if I came and did your dishes. Giggled with you over our kids. Or just sat on the couch and held you while we cried together. I miss those times growing up as sisters. I love you dearly and hope to talk to you soon.
~Britt~
Megan,
I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that you were struggling with so much. I'm glad that you have such a good attitude about it.
Like you mentioned, it is a relief to know that Christ always understands how we feel and it is also a relief to know that over time it usually gets better.
Thank you for sharing. We miss and love you guys.
Thank-you so much for sharing your experience! It's refreshing to hear people being real and open about the obstacles we all have to overcome in life.
Hang in there! It sounds like your approach to life is on the right track. Life IS good, even on the bad days.
Beautiful! It is crazy the things we all struggle with at times and how hard it is to get up! I know the Lord really makes up the difference even if we don't feel that way at times and he gives some of the strongest these difficulties. Your amaZing and I know that it helps to know others that have found the sunshine in the rain again.
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